Because of what I’ve been through in my own personal life I have a deeper understanding of things now, than I did when I was younger; when I was a new mother; when I was straight up stupid. It’s amazing how much time/how many years you can spend being clueless with your head up your ass.
So because of this I have an extremely low tolerance for fuck shit and nonsense, and people get on my nerves a lot faster than they ever have.. if that’s even possible. People have always gotten on my nerves. But the main thing I have the least patience for, is seeing people do dumb shit that I used to do. I acknowledge that. Does it make me a hypocrite? No. Someone has to fall on their ass and learn from their mistakes, so that they can get back up, be better, do better, and teach those who don’t know any better. But the trick to that is… you have to either be blunt with people, or let them learn for themselves.
And nobody ever wants to hear what they’re doing wrong. I didn’t, and I was stubborn as hell, and people generally are stubborn and don’t want to hear or see what’s right in front of them. Then when they bust their asses they have the nerve to get mad at everyone else for “not telling them.”
I also get temperamental when people ask me dumb questions, like why am I mad, why am I sad, why do I have an attitude. BECAUSE I CAN. It doesn’t have anything to do with you… am I making you nervous??? You’re allowed to feel things, however inconvenient feelings might be - and they are inconvenient for fuck’s sake.
Am I difficult? Not really. As long as you aren’t someone I want to throw off a cliff, or that I don’t really care for. And if you’re on that list chances are I don’t even fuck with you, so you can all breathe easier now. *snicker*
And of course the catch to that is when you try to tell people shit they don’t listen. So me? I’m not going to tell you a motherfucking thing especially if I know you aren’t going to listen anyway. Why would I waste my breath, energy, and time? But if I do say something it isn’t necessarily going to be nice, or what you “want” to hear. I’m not in the business of telling anyone what they want to hear, and no one ever gave me that pleasure either, so tough titties. And I do give credit where credit is due. If I think you’re fucking amazing I’ll tell you so. If I think you’re a complete fuckwit I’ll tell you that, too. And there’s a difference between paying someone a kind word, or a compliment, or telling them how you feel about them and what impact they’ve made on your life (like let someone know if you think they’re neat okay?), and just telling people what you think they want to hear.
It was my cross to bear and now I just have absolutely no patience whatsoever, because I figured out it’s all bullshit. So ultimately… let people be who they are, do what they do, they’ll either learn or they won’t. If they get on your nerves cut them loose, or go eat some cookies and knit a blanket; take a walk; kick rocks…. leave the planet. *shrug*
I’m not really the “hey you know what you should do?” type. I have my own business to attend. And people like that make me stabby. I don’t have advice to give, I’m just rambling, take it how you want, or don’t take it at all. I’m just looking at me, looking at the woman I’ve become and that I am becoming. I don’t have anything else for you. I write because it helps me help myself. And I am a firm believer in helping myself. I’m not angry with myself. I forgave myself, but sometimes I just look back at shit and I’m like damn girl… why’d you do that…. that was fucking stupid. But I can say that, everyone else would get punched in the teeth.