I have had insecurities about myself since I can remember. I am now 27 years old, female, married and planning a family. This is the (very long, sorry) list of my insecurities…I have always kept all of this to myself, because I was ashamed. So this is my first step to overcoming and starting to love myself! I hope.
- When I was little I was called a tomboy. Starting at age 10 I was bullied daily for not being girly enough, not wearing make-up, a bra, dresses or skirts. I was bullied for not talking lady-like. I pretended, that it didn’t bother me and that I didn’t care – but I did. It hurt. And I wished I could be a boy, so that everything about me would appear to everyone else as ‘normal’.
- My legs are hairy. So are my arms. I am blonde, so it is less visible, than dark body hair, but I was bullied for it nonetheless. I started shaving my legs, when I was 12. I have done it ever since, even though I personally do not find my body hair ugly.
- I have blonde hair and black eyebrows. I have been bullied for dyeing my eyebrows, which I never did. I have been bullied for having very thick ‘non girly’ eyebrows. I have been plucking my eyebrows since I was 14 and am doing it since, even though I wish I could just let them grow out and wear them natural.
- I have to wear glasses.
- I starting cutting myself when I was 14.
- I am now VERY insecure about my weight. I have moved countries to live with my husband 3 years ago and have since gone through a very tough time. Still am. Friends and family left behind, nobody here I know. I have gained weight and started feeling conscious about the way my body looks.
- I have been sent to mental health facilities since I was 16, by my parents. Everyone wanted to find out, what was wrong with me, so that I could be fixed. I have been diagnosed with Autism, Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the like…The only diagnosis I agree with is, that I AM autistic. But that is nothing, that needs fixing, right?
Summing this up: Due to everything, that has happened to me in my life, I am very insecure about pretty much EVERYTHING about me. My weight, my face, my clothes, my behavior, the way I act socially…everything really. This is my first step in opening up, stopping to be ashamed and starting to accept, respect and love the person I am.
I have shaved my head, to free myself from all the stereotypes, all the baggage I was carrying, to say fuck you to all the expectations and masks that I used to wear. I am now bare. Naked. I have nothing to hide behind anymore. I am me. And the day will come, when I love myself.
Thank you for reading.
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!